Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
