"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
God, I missed his penis.
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