I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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