Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
