Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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