Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
