I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
