some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
