so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
