Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
