It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
