I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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