Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
