So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize