Barsexuality is the new black.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
But theres a keg here and me gusta
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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