Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
