hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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