hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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