I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize