Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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