We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
