i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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