Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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