but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
