marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
