She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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