I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
