forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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