Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
