There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
