No awkward lesbian experiences without me
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
