Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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