If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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