Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
