I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
