Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Drunk is not a location!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
