Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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