fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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