dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
