So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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