They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
