Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
