My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
