He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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