I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need to sanitize my soul.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
