so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He felt like a one man threesome
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
