I accidentally had phone sex last night
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
