Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We need to rekindle our bromance
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
