I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
