I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
