Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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