how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
