Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
