i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
