I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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