I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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