Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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