I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There's always time for handjobs
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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