she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
