I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
