I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
