he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
birth control should be required to get into college
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
COCAINE IS GR8
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