just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
