You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize