using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
