I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
