drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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