Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
